Sorry to Scare You

I just don't know how to control him

-Oliver

helloimhereifoundtheinternet

hello
i am not oliver
oliver is locked in his room right now
sleeping endlessly

---

he found something
he found something to help him fight me
he found something to battle the anxiety
he found home

em ton s'tI

but fighting anxiety wont do shit for you if thats all you ever do
youll be too busy fighting me to focus on your life
and once you realize that ive become impossible to ignore
well fight again

yrros m'I

ill take over again
i always do

mih pots ot woh erus ton m'I

his home is gone
time killed it
always does

i dont sleep
i dont rest
i am always here in the back of your head
the twitch in your hands
the urge to destroy what youve made

there is good and evil
black and white
no more gray

oliver is growing ever more sleepless
and well go to sleep soon enough

---

Hello

Hello

I'm back

Because I need your help again

And it's sad

That we only talk

When I need help

But regardless

Hello

It's been a while

I've been thinking about you a lot lately

I wonder if you think of me

You claim to be my beginning

In the end, all I'll have is you

So I have to wonder

Where you've been

for the middle

Comme d'habitude,

-O.S.

For Me, It Started with a Bird Named Henrietta

I honestly didn't know his name at first. He seemed to be friends with most of the others, but he was just so damn shy. All I knew was that he was a swimmer.

On the way back from Walmart, a bird named Henrietta had to crap, and naturally had to do so on my head. And I was pissed.

So he offered to interrupt his day and take me home, and I said I'd only be ten minutes, but I took thirty.

Which definitely set the precedent of overtime. Our friendship's lasted longer than he originally wanted it to, and longer than I had expected.

He has the best taste in music.  I could listen to his playlists non-stop, and as much as I hate shuffling through albums ((They really ought to be played in order)) I've never had a problem with how random he is.

And that was our primary connection--we listened. To each other, to rants, to music. I couldn't stop whining, and he has a hard time being heard.

One of my greatest regrets from this year is just that. I interrupt him all the time. I never mean to. But it's even how we met; a series of interruptions.

I'm sorry that I always interrupt you.

But I'm very glad we interrupted each other's lives.

I always admired the way you got really interested in things, and the way you stuck with them. I've always wanted you to teach me how to do things because you just get stuff.

And when things got dramatic ((All the time)) you were still swimming, just on the surface where you always made peace between the water and the air.

You stopped me from drowning in the want.

You stopped me from drowning in the loneliness.

And now I've got you back, so please don't let my soul drown in luxury

Sound Check

Testing, testing, 1 2 3…

Is this thing on?

Check 1, check 1, 2, check…

Hello?

Can anyone hear me?

Six Thousand Words

Dearest Somewhere

1.8.16

The House Far From Somewhere

Dearest Somewhere,

       I've spent too much time looking at the sunset.  I've spent too much time staring into the horizon and wondering what is hiding behind it.  I've spent too much time hiding in classrooms and wondering who is walking in the hallway just outside.  I've spent too much time looking with longing at the rain outside and wondering what I long for.  I've spent too much of the present waiting for the future.

       I've spent too much time waiting for the night.  I've spent too much time in this house far from you.  I've spent too much time locking you out of the classroom.  I've spent too much time on this side of the window.

        I've spent too much time keeping track of all the time I'm spending on counting down the hours.  I've spent too much time keeping this door locked.

       I want to take a car and run run run run run with you, I want to ditch class with you, I want to jump in puddles with you, I want to pick locks and smash windows with you, I want to lose track of time with you,

       I want to meet a girl, I want to open doors, I want to throw away coffee, I want to sit down and write that book I always dreamt of reading, I want to unlock every door I've ever hid behind,

       I want to find my meaning of life, I want to wake up tomorrow and think, "Damn, I'm glad I woke up today," I want to look at the sky without getting jealous of airplane passengers,

       I want all of us to find Somewhere.

      And maybe it looks like this.

       Or this.

       Or this.

       But I don't know what it looks like to you.  You have to come with us to get there.  And it's one hell of a journey.  What matters is that we take this journey together, because together, the journey becomes Somewhere, and Somewhere becomes Here.

Comme d'habitude,

-O.S.